


Charting a New Route

by weakinteraction



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: First Time, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 22:44:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11907753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weakinteraction/pseuds/weakinteraction
Summary: After the final victory against Malak, the Ebon Hawk is a much quieter ship.





	Charting a New Route

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Niki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niki/gifts).



The Ebon Hawk was quiet, too quiet for Ganis's liking.

The ship's crew complement was much lower than it had been, just a few days earlier. Bastila and Juhani had left with Master Vandar; Mission and Zaalbar were on their way back to Kashyyyk, the ship Admiral Dodonna had loaned them piloted by a Jolee who was not quite as convincing as he thought he was about the idea that he wouldn't be staying there again. Canderous had departed too, following clues about the location of the scattered Mandalorian clans that he'd picked up from the warriors they'd defeated on Rakata.

Now all that remained were himself, Carth, and the droids. In their own ways, both Carth and T3 were extremely taciturn; HK-47 was more than happy to talk, but spending time with Revan's assassin droid reminded Ganis all too much of the past that remained largely inaccessible to him, but which he wanted to put behind him as firmly as possible. On the other hand, being left alone with his thoughts was little better. He had enough of that every time he closed his eyes to sleep each night. The Force might not be guiding him to the Star Forge through the visions any more, but if anything that made it worse: fragmented, scattered sense impressions from a life he could not bring himself to think of as his own.

As Ganis made his way to the cargo bay, T3 trundled past him, bleeping indignantly about something or other HK had said about the need for astromech droids to have regular mindwipes.

HK-47 seemed to have gone dormant, presumably in response to what he would have perceived as T3's unreasonableness. But Ganis stopped in the hatchway when he saw Carth busy at the workbench. It took a moment to realise what he was doing: carefully disassembling his blaster, removing all the various upgrades they had found on their adventures one by one.

He watched the surprising delicacy of Carth's hands at work. It was the same when he was at the controls in the cockpit, the economy of movement coupled with absolutely certainty about what he was doing.

Ganis didn't like to admit to himself how often now he thought about those skilled fingers in very different contexts. At times, he was able to convince himself that Carth might feel the same way too, and the temptation to say something to Carth had been intense. But would it have made those difficult conversations even more difficult? Or, if he was wrong about Carth reciprocating his feelings, damaged their relationship irreparably?

And then there was the question of what the Jedi Council would do, if they were to find out. And since he had found out his true-- no, his _former_ identity, there had been yet more reasons not to act on his feelings, on both counts. Carth might say that he didn't blame Ganis for Revan's actions, but there was a difference between that and a relationship. And the Council would be watching for any sign that Revan might return.

_There is no emotion, there is peace._

The words were easy enough to say. It was living them that was a constant challenge. But what was the alternative?

_Peace is a lie, there is only passion._

Even if he didn't remember it properly, even if he was desperate to believe that it wasn't really _him_ , he knew that he had once embraced that creed. He remembered Uthar's little riddle, designed to trip him up. "True or False: there is nothing worse than love."

He had seen through the trap, answered as a good Sith should. But as he watched Carth at work, separated from him by a few metres that might as well be parsecs, he knew his own answer with total conviction: True.

Stripped back to its basic form, Carth inspected his blaster carefully, before holding it up to his eyeline. It was only when he swung around, testing the sniper sights, that he realised he was being observed.

"I didn't realise you were there," Carth said. "You been taking lessons from Juhani or something?"

Ganis smiled. "No. You were just ... engrossed in your work, I guess." _And I had been enjoying watching that._

"Were you wanting to adjust your lightsaber?" Carth said. "Because, all due respect, I'd prefer to be elsewhere if you're going to be changing the regulation of a deadly plasma blade."

"No, no, I was just ... wandering the ship."

"You've been doing that a lot lately," Carth said. As far as Ganis was concerned, he always had; it was just that there had been more people to talk to on the way.

"What are you doing?"

"Just a little maintenance," Carth said. "This was my father's blaster, and his father, my grandfather, brought it with him when he first settled on Telos. This is the way he taught my father to look after it, and the way my father taught me."

Ganis thought that this was quite possibly the most information Carth had ever volunteered without him having to painstakingly cajole it out of him. "I haven't seen you taking that much care of it before," Ganis said.

"Ah, well," Carth said. "It's been a while since I thought I would have someone to hand it on to myself."

"Dustil," Ganis said.

"I'm sure he can handle himself," Carth said. "But after the chaos we left the Sith Academy in, and now, our names all over the holonet--"

"I can understand why you're concerned," Ganis said. The victory celebrations had been broadcast all around the galaxy by now; Mission had already heard from Griff, assuming that now she was a Hero of the Republic she would have plenty of credits to "lend" to him. Ganis suspected that avoiding his messages had been part of her motivation in accompanying Zaalbar to his ancestral home. He looked at Carth levelly. "We can go and look for him if you want."

"No," Carth said. "I mean, I've thought about it, of course. But if he has succeeded in gaining the Sith's trust-- I mean, we both know they would be convinced enough about him hating me."

"But you know that that's not the case any more, whatever pretence he's still putting up."

Carth turned back to the workbench and began reassembling the blaster.

"I'm sorry," Ganis said eventually.

"It wasn't you," Carth said. With his back turned, Ganis couldn't see the expression on his face.

"It would be easy to think that. And I know Malak was the one who gave the order, and ... I don't feel as though it's _me_. But I look at the navicomputer, all the places we've been, the planets with the Star Maps, and they're not just the places _we've_ been, they're the places _I_ went. Before. And left destruction and horror behind."

Carth interrupted him, but still didn't turn around. "It _wasn't_ you," he said again, more forcefully. "I know that now." Ganis walked over, standing by the workbench. Carth was focusing intently on his blaster, but fumbling reinserting the beam splitter. He was nearly shaking with some unexpressed emotion.

Ganis put his hand over Carth's. "It means a lot to hear you say that," he said. Carth had been the last to come round after the traumatic revelations on board the Leviathan, the one who even at the end, as they escaped the Star Forge, had been watching him carefully to be sure that this wasn't all some diabolical triple-crossing masterplan. "The trouble is, I'm not sure I believe it any more. The memories -- they're still fuzzy, like a nebula that's parsecs away. But I think they might be coming back."

"It _wasn't you_ ," Carth said again, more forcefully, and finally looking up at him. "Memories don't matter. They're not what make you _you_. Whoever you are, you're not Revan. You're not the Dark Lord. Because him ... him, I could never fall in love with."

"Carth--"

"There, I said it, are you happy now?"

It was right back to their old dynamic: Carth's sudden outbursts of anger, directed outwards, but always really raging at himself for having revealed more than he wanted to.

"Yes," Ganis said simply. He picked up Carth's hand and brought it to his lips. "Yes, I'm happy that you said it."

And then no more words were necessary: Carth was rising to meet him, and their lips locked together, hands grabbing at each other.

* * *

Somehow they made it out of the cargo bay and into the dormitory. They were still kissing passionately as they fell into Ganis's bunk.

Carth's fingers proved to be just as adept at removing clothing, both his own and Ganis's, as they were at everything else. And more besides -- Ganis moaned involuntarily when they found his nipples as Carth removed his tunic. His attempts to reciprocate were frustrated at every turn by Carth's overwhelming eagerness. The relief Ganis felt at such obvious proof that Carth did return his feelings seemed to heighten the intensity of the experience.

There had been an unspoken something between them for so long. And now, at the last, it didn't need to be spoken at all. Everything felt natural, not _are we moving too fast_ but _why have we waited so long?_ And in that moment, all the possible answers to that question melted away. He felt, with all the certainty he had once believed in the Jedi Code -- the same certainty that had been ripped away from him by Malak on the Leviathan -- that the Jedi must be wrong. There was no way that such a connection between two people could be the first step on the path to the Dark Side. After all, the Force connected all living things. What was this but a reflection and reinforcement of that basic truth?

Once they were finally completely naked, Carth slowed down enough that Ganis could begin to become an active participant in the proceedings. Carth kissed his way down Ganis's body, from his collarbone to his belly button, in a slow, deliberate sequence, as though he was plotting an elaborate series of hyperspace jumps. Along the way he grazed Ganis's nipples with his teeth, and used his tongue to probe at sensitive spots Ganis hadn't even known he had.

All of this gave Ganis the chance to run his hands over Carth's arms, feeling the definition in his muscles, enjoying the way they tensed, just a little, under his touch. And then, Carth's route reached its final destination, as his lips made contact with the base of Ganis's cock. He had barely been aware of having become so hard, so focused had he been on all the sensations associated with Carth's journey down his torso. But now, as Carth slowly kissed his way up his shaft, he felt himself becoming harder still. As Carth finally took him into his mouth, Ganis moved his hand from his arm to the back of his head, not applying any pressure, but resting lightly to feel the way Carth moved back and forth in a different way.

Ganis lost all track of time, all awareness of his surroundings, his entire universe filled with Carth and Carth alone. After some unknowable amount of time, that could have been mere seconds, Ganis decided that he wanted to take a more active role. He released his light grip on Carth's head, instead using his hands to guide Carth in the direction he wanted to go. With a little adjustment on both their parts, but somehow without losing the connection between Ganis's cock and Carth's mouth, they were lying on top of each other, facing in opposite directions. Carth's own erection was tantalisingly close to Ganis's lips, and so he leaned forward to slide them over it.

After that, they both lost control, sucking each other's cocks sloppily, thrusting into one another's mouths, driven forward in their own efforts by the awareness of how much they were exciting the other as much as the arousal caused by the other's actions, an ever-increasing positive feedback loop.

Ganis just about managed to find the self-control to remove his mouth from Carth's cock and say, "Wait."

The silent communion between them had finally been broken. Carth stopped immediately. "Is something wrong?" he asked, suddenly all concern.

"No," Ganis said. "But I want ... more."

"Ahh," Carth said. With one smooth movement, he lifted himself off Ganis and out of the bunk entirely, bringing himself to a standing position next to the side. And then he was dragging Ganis around, rotating him through a quarter circle until they were facing each other once more. And then, faster than Ganis could take in, he was picking up Ganis's ankles and placing them on his shoulders. Being manhandled like this, in such a casual demonstration of Carth's strength, was even more arousing than he would have imagined.

They looked deep into one another's eyes for a moment, the unspoken link between them re-established. Ganis could sense that in this moment Carth did not see a ghost or a revenant, but simply his lover. Ganis smiled at him and nodded minutely, all the encouragement Carth needed to slide himself inside. There was a moment of tightness, and then Carth's slow thrusting began. After a few moments, his saliva-covered cock was sliding easily in and out, and Ganis was groaning in pleasure.

Carth let go of one ankle, reaching down to wrap his hand around Ganis's cock, even as he continued to fuck him. Both as aroused as they were, it was clear that this would not last long. Carth sped up urgently, in both his thrusts and his stroking. Sensations overwhelmed Ganis, blurring into one another: the feeling of Carth inside him; the heady scent of sweat that pervaded the room; Carth's fist wrapped tight around him, sliding up and down his shaft faster and faster; the expression of unalloyed pleasure on Carth's face.

Ganis came, and a few moments later Carth made one final thrust, remaining deep inside him long after his own climax arrived. Eventually, he softened and withdrew.

Carth climbed into the bunk next to him and gave him a gentle kiss on the neck that was still enough to send tremors all around his body.

No words had been necessary, then. Now it seemed that none would be able to express what he was feeling. But the experience itself would have done that. But still Ganis found himself saying, simply but woefully inadequately, "Thank you."

Carth responded with another kiss, this time on the lips, slow and filled with a passion that is also peace.

Ganis closed his eyes, and for the first time he could remember, saw not some shapeless shadow of the past, but the bright possibility of the future.


End file.
